When Balance Breaks (And Why That’s Not Always Bad)
I've had a wobbly week! How about you?! Lots of wobbly weeks going on at the moment I feel.
We often think of balance, or homeostatis, as the desire of human functioning. Stay steady, stay calm, stay even. But the truth is, much of our growth comes from moments when our homeostasis is impossible.
The thinking and behavioural patterns we've been exploring in previous Silverlinings, are as we have discovered protective patterns that may help and may hinder. We're exploring being masterful at spotting them so we can understand where our choice point is if we want to change anything.
Of course, our patterns may be known to us because they repeat over time and we have noticed them. But sometimes they become known to us because our balance is disrupted in some way. A stressor, conflict, or unforseen challenge, pushes us outside our comfort zone showing us exactly how our protective patterns are trying to stabalise us. Do we avoid, approval seeking, over control, armour up or just demand even more of ourselves or those around us? When stability wobbles, our patterns try harder to pull us to 'safety'
Can the wobble help us indentify our patterns? Temporary loss of balance is an opportunity to discover more about ourselves, a chance to look internally at the sequences that we are automatically running.
A pattern operating under pressure is an invitation to notice more about our autopilot. Will we let the pattern run us, or can we use the disruption to expand, adapt, and lead ourselves more deliberately?
Perhaps the gift of a wobble is that it reveals what is hidden and yet running all the time. The opportunity of the wobble is that our patterns come to the surface so we can see them clearly.
Next time you notice yourself wobbling (perhaps you are also wobbling this week):
# Spot the Pattern Which protective response shows up first?
Do you avoid addressing the underperforming team member, hoping it resolves itself?
Do you grip tighter to control every detail of a project when deadlines slip?
Do you seek approval in the boardroom by softening your stance, even when you disagree?
#Look for the help/unhelpful parts of the pattern
Usually the helpful bits are short term and unhelpful bits are long term? What is the disruption showing you?
Avoidance might be signalling your fear of conflict.
Control might be signalling your fear of being let down.
Approval-seeking might be signalling your fear of rejection.
# Reflect on whether you can alter the sequence
Do you want to keep following the pattern, or try something different?
Instead of avoiding the underperformer, you could schedule a supportive coaching conversation.
Instead of micromanaging the project, you could set clear checkpoints and trust your team.
Instead of softening your stance, you could voice your perspective with curiosity and confidence.
Instead of running harder, maybe work out what or who you can ask for help to reduce friction, increase support,
Instead of your team being polite, perhaps develop your courage muscle
# Reflect on whether this pattern is present in other times too Which protective response shows up for you automatically (avoiding,staying quiet, being slow to engage, controlling, seeking approval, armouring, getting caught on the details, not asking for help, something else)? Is the pattern always working for you?
Do you want to work on your pattern? Can you see others' patterns and want to help them?
Got a team or maybe a whole organisation that has a pattern that is not helpful?
I’d love to help.
#Silverlinings #leadership #patterns #workplacedynamics #workplacemediation #wobbles