Are your sunglasses too dark?! When our protection becomes unhelful

I was wearing my sunglasses the other day, and as is typical in Melbourne, the weather turned from sunny to grey. But I didn't notice, so my sunglasses stayed on for not only longer than was useful, but until they were really very unhelpful! I was starting to squint and struggle with my vision (I was watching my 12 year old's game of soccer) for too long to admit outloud before I realised, and took them off to my instant relief! What a colourful world there is when you can see! 

Our automatic patterns don't exist to sabotage us. They exist to protect us.

Every pattern we develop - whether it's the Avoidance Loop (steering clear of discomfort), the Absolutism Grip (controlling outcomes through high standards), the Armouring Shield (keeping emotional distance), or the Approval Eclipse (seeking validation to stay connected) - emerged because at some point, it worked brilliantly for us.

These patterns are our psychological survival mechanisms, developed through evolution, childhood experiences, and workplace encounters that taught us how to navigate a complex world. They're automatic responses that helped us feel safe, accepted, successful, or in control when we needed it most.

The challenge isn't that we have these patterns. The challenge is when they become so protective that they start limiting us.

Just like the sunglasses, there is no shame about these patterns, they are brilliantly doing what we need them to do. But, we need to know when taking them off brings us relief, or helps us see a more colourful world. 

Sometimes you need that Absolutism Grip for a critical project. Sometimes the Armouring Shield serves you well in a difficult conversation. The goal is awareness, not elimination. This is why the work of exploring patterns feels like opening a door rather than fixing something broken. 

When we understand our patterns as protective responses rather than personal failings, we can approach them with curiosity instead of judgment. We can ask: "How is this serving me right now?"

What patterns might be over-protecting you right now? 

What would become possible if you could dial them down just 10%?

Curious about exploring your patterns? I'd love to discuss how pattern work can help you find that sweet spot between protection and possibility (whether for yourself or your team)