Be Present, Not Performing
Those who are caught in the Approval Eclipse pattern spend a huge amount of energy trying to predict what will land well with others. What will be liked, what will be seen as clever, or valuable, or safe, interesting or admirable. It's a performance piece that never really finishes, because the goalposts are set by whoever's in the room with you.
The Approval Eclipse isn't a character flaw, it's a protective strategy, usually built a long time ago when being liked really was the safest option on the table. We're wired for social connection. Being rejected by the tribe you care about gets processed by the same part of the brain as physical danger. So the pattern makes complete sense. It just isn't always necessary and isn’t always the best option for us.
The shift, when it happens, is usually small.
It's not about stopping caring what people think, that's not what we want. It's more like, in this specific conversation, can I actually tune into the other person instead of monitoring how I'm coming across? Can I ask a real question instead of performing a good answer? Can I stay in curious instead of lining up my next response. Can I let silence sit instead of rushing to fill it with something likeable? Can I be interested not interesting.
Be present, not performing.
Approval Eclipse is one of the four patterns I explore in the book I'm currently writting: Patterned.
And if you want to work out where your own patterns show up at work, Pattern Lab is where we do that properly, together.
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Pattern Lab
There's something you do on repeat. A pattern that is most likely to show up when you're uncertain, when you feel like you need to prove something, when you feel out of control or vulnerable, or when you need something or someone. You don't love the consequences of this pattern. Yet here it is again.
Want to do something different next time? Come to Pattern Lab.
Get clear on what your pattern is
Understand why it shows up
Find your exit points and consciously prepare for next time
Build the flexibility to choose your response rather than run automatically with your pattern
Show up more deliberately in the moments that matter most
The changes you want to make are smaller than you think. It just requires doing the work.
One month, of your focus.
What's included
Pattern diagnostic to name and understand your pattern
Half day online workshop
Worksheets and explanatory videos
Two individual coaching sessions
Group review and accountability session
$599 plus GST.
Next available intake September 2026
Register interest - see main menu