The Exit Is Right There (You Keep Missing It)
The reason I first got interested in psychology was because I was fascinated by optical illusions. I remember seeing the Escher¹ staircase for the first time and could literally feel my brain trying to figure it out!
Like the impossible staircase shown above, your team can be stuck in a loop that seems impossible to exit, you always end up in the same spot: dissatisfaction or dysfunction.
The pattern might be predictable, but it's not inevitable.
Somewhere in the sequence, there's a moment where you could do something different. The trick is finding it.
In Cognitive Analytic Therapy, we look for "exits" - deliberate choice points where you can step off the automatic pattern and choose something different. Think of them as the moment you realise you're on an Escher staircase and decide to walk through the wall or build a new staircase instead of climbing another lap.
Say your leadership team has a pattern when it has to make a complicated decision. Plans get presented, concerns get raised, defences go up, voices get louder, and nothing gets decided. Eventually it's a battle of will or loudest voice. But the exit shouldn't be when everyone's frustrated or, worse still, at the end of the meeting!
When a pattern is predictable, we have the potential to find exits anywhere along it:
The exit might be before the meeting even starts - what if the decision is clearly articulated in advance?
What if we look for a different entry point? Ask everyone to think alone first about one thing that excites them about a yes, one thing that worries them, and one thing that would help them decide.
Instead of getting caught in the pattern, call it out (before or during the conversation) and ask the group to come up with potential exits, knowing the pattern will occur if left on auto.
Perhaps ask people to play different roles or wear different hats to disrupt the pattern.
Maybe present different frames for the questions: What happens if we don't decide today? If we were external consultants, what would we recommend? If the next generation were here, what would they want us discussing? Who would help us make this decision and what would they say?
Patterns are stubborn, but they're not permanent. Exploring an exit helps you play with new thoughts, beliefs, behaviours and feelings. You develop deeper, more reflective relationships.
Any predictable pattern evolves through exits.
Want to know what yours could be? See the menu of how to work with me!
¹If you need a visual, Google 'Escher staircase', you'll know it when you see it